you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
