goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
