Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
