it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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