Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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