Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
