i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
