apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
