also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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