i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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