sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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