Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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