i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
