its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
