My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
