I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I love having hate sex.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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