It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
