I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
