I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
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