You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
