Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
