Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize