I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
