If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
