I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm too high and old for this...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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