It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize