finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
