Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
