I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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