You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
