Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
