Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
