so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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