On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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