Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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