so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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