just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
