my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
