i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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