So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
