and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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