He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize