I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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