I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
