Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
