Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
