Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
