No stitches, just platelets and will power
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
