i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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