i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
