we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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