On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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