i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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