Im at strip club and am horny
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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