This is not my ceiling
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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