You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
