Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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