I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
