love makes seman taste better
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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