She is in my trunk
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
