Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize