she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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