now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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