no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
