Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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