idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
