Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
