i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
